Friday Musings

I dont feel like i am my characters. well i did before. but i find that im only controlling someone else. it's not my story really. its their story and im the one helping them make the decisions that leads to new experiences and whatnot. it gives me a sense of completeness at the end of the day to know my DK has gotten her 400th dungeon emblem. or that my paladin has reached grand master fishing. or something of that sort.

i logged on to devyn last night, just to see if immortelle was online so i can tell her that i got a ticket for using my speakerphone in the car. aparently, even with the speakerphone on, im still holding the phone. so thats technically not "hands-free". which will lead to a ticket that's about $100. but life sucks. its not a FML kinda thing. actually i never say FML. i dont enjoy my life much but im glad for the only life that i have. so i deal. in any case, break the law, pay the price. i got a ticket so im going to pay the fine. no biggie. live and learn.

so anyway, going back to logging on devyn. she's my dk since the start of wrath, has leveled up as a dps until northrend and then switched to tanking. tanked a few. pissed off a few people, but finally learned to tank well with her. i wasnt stellar. i wasnt great. i thought of myself as a "good" tank. the tank that turns the mobs away from the group (you know, to avoid cleaves and such) the tank that taunts when he can, the tank that use IBF often, and not just one encounters where there's 5 mobs on me, or when the boss is about to drop me like a bad habit. no... i try to incorporate everything i've mentioned before about tanking. im the tank with the stam/def gems. im the tank with, when my def went from 540 to 560+, decided maybe i should gem for strength since i will have issues keeping aggro from those ToC and ICC geared 6k doing dps. the heroic content that im doing is very trivial now, and having more than 560 def really is a waste. now if im tanking icc, then maybe i should gem for more def, and zero str. in anycase, even with the gear that i have, the cooldowns and all the nifty tanking stuffs that i have, i still cant seem to do a decent heroic halls of reflection run. nope. being the worse tank of the four classes, i have a slight handicap when it comes to tanking heroic halls of reflection. heck, sometimes i have problems with pit of saron. on my paladin, never. on my bear, never.

ok wall of text over.

i didnt feel like devyn belonged to me anymore. she's been sitting idly by for so long she feels like a stranger. the buttons are the same. the gear is the same. the face is the same. but somehow the soul is gone. she's not the same anymore and im not the same inside her doing her actions. i guess you can say the fire is gone. there is no excitement, no determination, no purpose and no life. i hold both of her black icicles dripping with runeforged energy oozing out of it, in the dalaran sewers shifting my weight from one hip to the other, looking bored. devyn was bored. i was bored. we were both bored with nothing else to do. we didnt want to go to icc, because i had to go in an hour or two. we didnt want to do any more heroics, because devyn has no use for it. maybe if she had to collect healing gear, then maybe.... no. (i have healers. they're not in plate. my paladins are prot and ret. healers in plate kinda makes no sense to me. but they're there in the game. healers in mail seem a lot more believable. mail is a lot lighter and helps when you need to carry a wounded ally to a ditch in order to bandage him up. plate is what a warrior wears. not the warrior class in wow, per se, but just any generic warrior who will be taking a lot of damage. this is why prot palas make sense and maybe ret palas. but healy palas?) in any case. tangents... lets get back on track.

so devyn is dying. dying a slow and sorrowful death. the pain is not physical, but real nonetheles. the soul is gone and eventually she'll be no more useful than the titanium guards inside halls of stone, lifeless, robotic, empty. but alas, this is the fate of all toons, of all life in azeroth and elsewhere. we will all leave our bodies in time. but in azeroth, their deaths are slow, their souls leaving their bodies long before their bodies decay. on earth, our souls are intricately tied to our bodies and will never leave until our bodies themselves die.

i find this interesting as it speaks of the permanence of our souls. within the worlds of azeroth, our souls are activated when we log in, and live until we log out. eventually, we never log back in and the life begins to die. the body will still be there. but the fire, the ferver, the desire to play this blasted game fades to nothing. it becomes nothing. just a shell.

the souls in our world seem to remain forever in its body, until its body dies. then, it goes somewhere. in most beliefs in our world, the sould goes somewhere else. the energy transfers, the soul lives elsewhere in other beings or finds an eternal home in a fiery lake. whatever the belief, the underlying assumption is that the soul remains somewhere. it does not die. it goes off and becomes something else, something no one really knows. and when we get there, there's no way to get back to this world, to tell others what the new existence is like. but even with the lack of support, we stil believe in a permanence that our souls have. it is within our nature to be forever.

i wonder how long it will be before our characters become nothing. where they will be deleted forever. there is no permanence. the'll just be a memory.